Chronically Liable

Hooked on Munchies Spoiler Alert: If you’re paranoid about somebody’s child burning a blunt and yet you can’t wait to get home from work and pop a Bud you might want to ignore the message in this week’s homily.


The Department of Justice employs 33% of all full-time Federal officers who are authorized to make arrests and carry firearms.  The actual number of these gun-toting dudes increased 14% from 2004-2008!  The Bureau of Prisons accounts for almost half of these employees.  According to a number of independent studies 13% of all prisoners are in jail for some sort of marijuana-related bust.  Another study shows that 83% of marijuana busts are for possession.  Boiling that whole pot (no pun intended!) down it appears that roughly 10% of the incarcerated are in the joint for smoking a joint.  Wow!  If you owned a business selling sports-logo clothing and 10% of your revenue could be attributed directly to New York Yankees attire wouldn’t you be inclined to support the Yankees no matter who your favorite team really was?


Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not a recreational pot smoker.  In fact I’ve burned a mere two joints in my whole life, back in the day when I was single, and both experiences yielded, not the fantastic sexual rush I was anticipating, but rather a dull headache followed by a long, lonely night spent mano-a-hando in my bachelor pad. But perhaps that’s TMI.


The point is Drug Enforcement is Big Business.  Prisons are becoming privatized.  Power brokers are lured by the prospect of more clients, more revenue (provided by the unwashed populace at large as well as those who are no longer at large!)  Some folks point out that legalization of recreational marijuana would result in more revenue for the state.  They point to statistics that prove conclusively that the legalization of Medical Marijuana did not, as many feared, lead to an outbreak of crime but rather a reduction in the crime rate.  They cite studies that show 21% of inmates in prison for violent crimes were under the influence of alcohol as opposed to less than 3% who were under the influence of crack or heroin and hardly any who were under the mellowing influence of marijuana.  Plus it’s hard to draw down on a cop when you’re clutching a bag of Doritos in your sweaty fist!


Alas, statistics alone are not enough to convince a government grown fat on power to relinquish its hold on the collective throat of We the People.  Repeat after me.  Big Booze is good.  Big Pharma is good.  But Mary Jane is a slut who should not be allowed to show her face in polite society!!

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