1. When you cold-call me on the phone I don’t blame you for mispronouncing my name the first time. Russ is a struggle for anyone. But if you misspell my last name on a piece of proposed marketing literature for the third time, you’ll pardon me for being skeptical 2. If you can’t properly pronounce […]
I don’t mean to ruffle The feathers of Christian Content I don’t mean to piss off the Jews I don’t want my brothers and sisters of Islam whose fervent desire was dishonestly bent To further the cause of the callous and cowardly few In the guise of Theological Guidance whose initial intent Was to rescue […]
After a great deal of soul searching I’ve come to the conclusion that one of the reasons I love football is that most of the players, although they outweigh me by hundreds of pounds and earn more in a year than my father ever earned in his entire life; despite these obvious advantages they don’t […]
It’s New Year’s Day And here I sit, quite curiously content. In terms of a life spent wowing astounded literary critics I haven’t made a dent And yet I have my small, devoted band of peers Who, when listening to my prose, at least appear all ears. And so, sitting placidly in place, I must […]
In the good, golden days, I used to rely On my wit and my masculine charm. As the day dwindled down, a girl catching my eye Would ere long be under my arm. I would ply her with liquor, coax her with cake Beg and cajole and caress And when it was time for the […]
I’ve noticed a troubling trend lately. Dead guys are getting younger. Weather patterns are becoming increasingly extreme. Young folks and spouses are marginally more obstreperous. And gas prices continue to rise. History is more hysterical; peace is getting harder to piece together. And people in general are more difficult to deal with. What ever happened […]
Things I’ve learned about writing 1. Eschew obfuscation 2. Obliterate ego 3. Consume hearty slices of humble pie daily 4. Let your characters be your guide 5. When you’re done with a chapter turn off the typewriter and enjoy the silence 6. If one of your readers says it don’t make sense, it follows as […]
Matt Damon has a neat commercial out sponsored by cryptocurrencies. It concludes with the phrase “Fortune favors the brave.” I looked it up. This phrase is frequently followed by “I’m all in,” or “Damn the torpedoes full speed ahead.” Unfortunately, those two phrases are followed all too often by “What was that twanging noise, General […]
You can say what you want about Le Mans and the breathtaking speed of the racecars on mountainous terrain but the truth is nothing goes downhill faster than an aging hooker. I’ve interviewed several ladies of the afternoon for my books and have remained friends with a few, much to the chagrin of the little […]
My opposable thumbs are against me Almost everything’s out of my grasp My rich Irish tenor no longer sounds lovely It’s more of a rich Irish rasp I checked out my face in the mirror this morning And found to my dismal dismay My nostrils are bleeding my hair is receding My nerves are beginning […]
