update on the baby-making project
As I mentioned a few weeks back your mother and I decided to celebrate Mother’s Day by having a baby. The project was fraught with problems. In order to offset some of the costs I contracted with Badoink to film the conception. It seemed like a reasonable way to raise revenue and they were eager to initiate a whole new genre. They called it Geriatric Performance Porn. Unfortunately we were stymied from the get go.
I guess I didn’t anticipate the actual number of support personnel involved, including a Best Boy. I thought I was the best boy but boy was I wrong.
It started with the Kleig lights. Have you ever seen a Kleig light up close? Bright doesn’t begin to cover it! And all these folks shouting directions, encouragement, praise, awe, amazement. It was a mixed bag.
But when the time came to jump into the plot I felt I was the man of the hour. Well, fifteen minutes. Well two minutes and seventeen seconds but that was on account of the problem when I hurt my back. Your mother wasn’t much help. She mislaid her glasses in the middle of the scene and they had to start all over again. Well I’ve never been very good at starting all over again.
Suffice it to say the Badoink people finally gave up the good fight, packed their Kleig lights and scampered off into the sunset. We plan to try again next year. Medicare is picking up the bill for most of the medical expenses. AFLAC is handling the rest. I’d forgotten how difficult making a baby can be.
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